worst dating experience

my worst date

Now, let me tell you, I've had a lot of bad dates. So for the sake of time, I'm going to wrap them all up into one big date. So, here, for your pleasure, is the worst "date" I've ever gone on:

I met this guy at a foot fetish party even though he told me my feet reminded him of his mother. We went to an Egyptian restaurant where he ordered the Viagra Stuffed Pigeon because, apparently, that is a delicacy in Cairo. He cryptically told me his business was "competitive elf breeding" and REFUSED to elaborate. Let me just say, there are MANY follow-up questions this inspires, such as:

-Who is he breeding the elves for?
-What are they competing in?
-What qualities does one look for in a competitively-bred elf?
-Are elves real?

THEN, he told me I had nice lips, and in an effort to freak him out, I told him that I grew them myself. When that didn't deter him (Is anyone surprised it didn't?) I told him how I'm often mistaken for a man by the homeless. That's why I stopped giving them money. Perhaps that, I thought, would turn him off, you know, the fact that I'm miserly AND masculine when it comes to the needy. Nope. Didn't work. He dropped me off at my place (his car smelled like weed, CHEAP weed) and then he left me harassing voice mails when I didn't call him back. Turns out, he had several pending lawsuits and one restraining order. Thanks, google! I know you have a feature to stop me from sending drunk emails, but perhaps you could have a feature to scan and then block all potential suitors.






or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTTOALw45XY