Squiggles McBoobFace on Pooping at His Place

"Many women believe that men are uncomfortable with proximal defecation because there are some activities which, once they cross a (male) mind, immediately de-sexualize the person in question. Nothing could be further from the truth -- if this were the case, most modern men would be rendered permanently asexual upon first viewing Japanese pornography. In fact, the issue is territorial; if some woman can shit in your toilet, pretty soon she'll be hunting on your land, or worse, borrowing your sweatshirts."

WHY CAN'T I POOP AT HIS PLACE?

I don't get why love means leaving my boyfriend's friends' friends' girlfriends' mom's apartment(where he lives), stepping over the hobos sleeping next to the elevator, reaching through the smashed part of glass to unlock the bolt and running to the nearest Chicken King to poop! He poops, but apparently WOMEN are supposed to take in food and squeeze out miley cyrus. To figure this out, I brought in resident professional male Squiggles McBoobFace to explain.

men i should be with

Like so many girls, I always go for the WRONG men, like chris farley (dead) or Ban Kee Moon (Short)

here are some men i deserve to be with and their best qualities

1. barack obama (smart, sexy, kind of famous)
2. elmo (fuzzy)
3. brad pitt (bearded)
4. khloe kardashian (chiselled)

out with the frogs, in with the princes (or less slimy frogs)

HIHIHIHIHIHIHI!! OMG! That sounds Japanese! Haha! Omg how am I still SINGLE? Welcome to my blOg tho, where YOU can help ME figure out how someone so funny, sexy, easy and SEXY could still be alone! I'm 22! My people are indigenous to New Jersey and can get married WHENEVER they want if they're pregnant! And not early stage pregnant but FAT pregnant! Three strikes against them! Fat, pregnant, and from New Jersey! It's a LASAGNA of adversity!