WHY CAN'T I POOP AT HIS PLACE?

I don't get why love means leaving my boyfriend's friends' friends' girlfriends' mom's apartment(where he lives), stepping over the hobos sleeping next to the elevator, reaching through the smashed part of glass to unlock the bolt and running to the nearest Chicken King to poop! He poops, but apparently WOMEN are supposed to take in food and squeeze out miley cyrus. To figure this out, I brought in resident professional male Squiggles McBoobFace to explain.